If you’ve been scrolling online lately, you’ve probably noticed that money has become a bit of a trending topic, especially in relation to dating.
Should women date men who make less than they do? Does it matter who pays on the first date? Are separate bank accounts the secret to a happy marriage? If one person earns significantly more, should they be paying more of the bills?
In some ways, I think it’s a refreshing conversation.
For a long time, money wasn’t something women were encouraged to talk about at all. It was often considered private, taboo or even something better left to someone else to manage, so any progress there feels like a positive.
Even within my own friend group, I see us talking more openly about salaries, rent, mortgage payments and investing. We’re comparing notes on raises, asking questions about savings accounts and sharing what we’ve learned.
But for all the progress we’ve made talking about money online and with each other, it seems Canadians are still struggling to have those same conversations with the people we’re sharing our lives with.
A new survey from Canadian personal finance platform MooseMoney suggests that many of us are still carrying more shame, secrecy and discomfort around money than we might realize – and that silence could have serious consequences for our relationships.
Nearly 80 per cent of respondents said they would consider ending a relationship if they discovered their partner was hiding significant debt, and around four in 10 women said learning about a partner’s secret debt would be more devastating than finding out their partner had cheated.
At the same time, many people are still keeping parts of their financial lives private.
Twenty-one per cent of women and 14 per cent of men surveyed said they have had a secret bank account or credit card their partner didn’t know about, and nearly 20 per cent said they would never open a joint bank account.
For many people, maintaining financial independence is an important part of a healthy relationship and a reflection of the way they want to approach money together. But what stood out to me is the gap between how much we value financial honesty and what conversations are actually being had.
Admitting that you’re struggling financially, sharing your debt or explaining your spending habits can feel incredibly personal, especially if money wasn’t something you grew up talking about openly.
So personal, in fact, that in a previous survey, almost half of respondents said they would rather talk about their sex life than reveal their credit score. This stat increases to 60 percent for those struggling financially.
The problem is, having these conversations is only going to become more important, especially for women.
Women are earning more than previous generations. We’re building businesses, investing, buying property and taking a larger role in financial decision-making. At the same time, Canada is on the cusp of one of the largest wealth transfers in history, meaning more of us will be navigating conversations around inheritance, retirement, family wealth and long-term financial planning.
Those conversations aren’t just going to happen between financial advisors; they’re going to happen around kitchen tables, with family members and with the people we choose to build our lives with.
So maybe the next time you’re scrolling and see someone talking about finances – whether it’s about dating, salaries, investing or even this article – use it as a chance to start your own conversation. If we’re willing to share our homes, our futures and our lives with someone, surely we should be able to share our bank statements, too.
Lisa Thibodeau
